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Melky and the Nats

I realized something the other day after Major League Baseball handed down a 50-game drug suspension to San Fransisco Giants' outfielder Melky Cabrera. If the Washington Nationals make it to the World Series, Cabrera will be the man most responsible for them having home-field advantage. Now, if you remember, Melky Cabrera won the MVP in this summers' All-Star Game. And, since the idiot powers that be have turned the exhibition into the sole deciding factor in determining home-field advantage in the World Series, the Nats have an excellent chance at winning a title. Obviously, they have to get there first, but I'll thank you in advance Mr. Cabrera.

Based on the timeline of events, it would be fair to assume that Melky was in the midst of a juicing cycle around the time of the All-Star Game. Once again, I thank you Mr. Cabrera. Not only did that help you perform well enough to be in the game, it helped you be THE STAR of it. Subsequently, it also caused you to be ineligible to play for San Fransisco for the remainder of the regular season. That bodes well, considering that the Giants are one of the potential obstacles to the Nats chances of advancing in the postseason. He has been the linchpin for that team all season. Losing him is a serious blow to their chances.

The best part surrounding the Cabrera suspension is that the idiot actually tried to build a fake website to try to cover his tracks. The website marketed a supplement that doesn't exist. Cabrera's ruse was to claim that this product was tainted with synthetic testosterone to bolster his claim of innocence. He should quit baseball and use his creative talents instead. Without the help, he was a mediocre player at best. He thought of this scheme all on his own. To quote Ron Burgundy, "I'm not even mad, I'm impressed." I think it was a brilliant, evil genius plot by Melky. I thank you a third time, sir. This time it's for the sheer entertainment value of your boneheadedness. Unfortunately for you, evil genius plots usually fail in the end.

In most cases they say that the cover up is more damaging than the crime. I generally agree. The atrocities at Penn State and the Mike Vick dogfighting scandal are just two examples. However, in Cabrera's case, without the cover up he would've just been another baseball player that got caught cheating. That story got old during the Bush Administration. What he did takes balls. When a guy gets popped on a drug test, usually he takes a seat for 50 games, answers some questions and then gets back to playing ball. Cabrera will forever be known as they guy who hatched a plot to clear his name that was so thin he's even got Kate Moss taking notes. Covering tracks isn't an unprecedented occurrence for an athlete, but every other case I can remember, there was at least some plausible deniability for them to fall back on. In those cases there were other people involved or they had mishandled samples or they were based on mere speculation. Melky paid a guy $10,000 to make the website. I guess he didn't expect MLB to follow up. Turns out they did.

The fact that his claim was discredited privately before his suspension was even announced publicly is all you need to know. That he so summarily accepted responsibility in his recent comments lets me know he knows he's at risk of being blackballed. Not for using, but for thinking he could outsmart baseball with an idea so dumb. Let that be a lesson learned to all you cheaters out there. If you're going to cheat, don't get caught. If you do get get caught, just take your medicine and deal with it. If your gonna fight it, be a little more thorough in building your case. As for for Melky, he may be well served to use his time off to explore other options, because his future in baseball may be short, other than as a footnote.

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