FanPost

Harper to 60-Day DL (Unexplainable Red Liquid Gushing From Whole Self)

NAVY YARD, DC - Nationals GM Mike Rizzo announced today that left-fielder Bryce Harper, only two years removed from one of the most electrifying rookie campaigns in Major League history, has been moved to the 60-Day Disabled List and his season may be in jeopardy. The apparent supernatural phenomenon which has afflicted Harper, causing a red mixture of water, sugar and his body's electrolytes to gush from his entire body at moments of particular intensity, has yet to be totally understood by the team medical staff.

"We took him to Dr. James Andrews, asked him if there was anything he had seen in any baseball player's health before that could possibly explain this, and now the man refuses to leave the confessional booth at St. Anthony's. He says a darkness is coming. But we still have confidence in Steven Souza, Jr." As Harper is only being transferred from the 15-day DL, the Nationals will not be making any other corresponding roster moves.

Harper, still months shy of his 22nd birthday, has been visibly confused and distraught by his injury struggles. He has even taken his frustration to twitter, tweeting "Thumb was bad enough now this again! I should have just signed that witch doctor's ball!" "Doc says I killed his faith in science! sorry bro! at least ur dry!" and "IT HAPPENED AGAIN I AM SO DEHYDRATED!"

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