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By Basil

In my final two years as an undergraduate, I served as a resident assistant in Thurston Hall, a 1000-student, co-ed den of inequity and pizza delivery. It was a rewarding job (room and board, to name two benefits), but I had to do a lot of silly stuff, like view security camera footage to determine which drunk pledge puked in on our hallway carpet the night before, or to explain to some Einstein had to insert a Brita filter, or to resolve roommate disputes.

Those were always fun, as you might imagine. There's nothing like trying to mediate a dispute where the issue in controversy is whether all the windows should be left open at night in the dead of winter. Who would ever complain about that?

Well, I thought I exhibited some grand patience in those days; at least I thought so until I noticed what MissChatter was doing today---or what her final draft of her impressions of today's D.C. City Council hearing looked like. No level of commendation is sufficient redress for having to sit through that train wreck; come to think of it, is George Clooney getting his fingernails ripped out in Syriana really more unpleasant? It's debatable:

Let me just say I'm suffering from an overdose-of-coffee headache also brought about by straining to understand what Marion Barry was saying. My ears are still ringing from listening to council member Carol Schwartz shriek and scream repeatedly.

I sympathize. No offense to Ms. Schwartz, but her voice is like Geneva Convention stuff.

_

Capitol Punishment's four-part surreply to the motion to dismiss Alfonso Soriano has almost been completed. We're through part three now:

  • Part One (OBP-is-Life; home park factor; road hitting performance);
  • Part Two (Soriano v. RFK);
  • Part Three (keystone defense not that terrible)
I kind of perceive Chris's assumed role as Soriano's defense attorney, actually. He doesn't really seem to like the guy in any particular way, but his client (so to speak) is getting dumped on, and in many ways he's been prejudged:
  • he's been unduly boosted by his home park in Texas;
  • his road stats really stink, you know;
  • good luck in spacious RFK;
  • he insists on playing second, but he's an awful second baseman.
Is he fighting the good fight for truth? In a sense, yes. There are facts in there, to be certain; just as certainly, he's tailoring facts and observations in lights favorable to Soriano. Of course, that's the nature of argument, and his argument is that Soriano's been unfairly dumped on since the trade.

So read the series with an open mind and see what you see. Juries can be swayed, after all.

_

Speaking of the Soriano trade (still???!!!!), I've forgotten to make this note twice now, but I'd be remiss to forget a third time. Last week, immediately after the trade, when Soriano balked at moving to the outfield (to say the least), Bodes commented:

"Tony played third base, we finished in first place and, at the end of the day, everybody was happy," Bowden said. "When the Yankees acquired Alex Rodriguez -- and they had Derek Jeter at shortstop -- somebody had to move, and it just worked.

"We all want to do certain things in life and we all don't get the exact positions we want sometimes. But you do what's best for your organization to try and win. When we get to that road, there will be unhappy people, but our job is to win. Our job is to have a team, not individuals. Baseball is a team sport. A lot could happen between now and Spring Training."

Leaving aside the stirring civics lesson, let's focus on the first quoted paragraph above. What do Bodes's examples of selfless sacrifice for one's new team have in common? Well . . .

In both cases, the new guy was stepping aside for the sake of a future Hall of Famer and the face of the franchise.

And Soriano?

For an injured and presumably declining player who became a minor star in virtual anonymity.

That's not to take anything away from Vidro, really---it's not like we're talking about Cristian Guzman here---but twenty bucks Soriano asked, "Who the hell is that?"

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