There's little to keep my focus this offseason. We're not trading for luminaries like Aaron Rowand, and we're not retaining stud relievers like Hector Carrasco. The ballpark thing gets me riled up in fits and spurts, but I'd rather not have to look at pictures of Jerry Reinsdorf and Linda Cropp, thank you.
I need a muse, a cause, a kwan.
There's one hope left, it would appear, for the balance of the calendar year: shameless identity politics!
Did you know that I received an undergraduate degree from the George Washington University? God, if you've ever clicked on this site or my old one, I hope you do. I only mention it on a biweekly basis.
I went to GW. John Flaherty went to GW. I like the Nats. John Flaherty would like to play for the Nats. Yeah, that idea is intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to its newsletter!
I know what you're thinking: the guy hit .165 last year. You must be a Xavier fan, fool. Let's look at the positives, and there are many!
- He's only 38 years old. Only thiry-eight!
- His nickname is Flash. What does that tell you? He's got to be fast---blazing fast!
- He's only five RBI away from 400 for his career. It would take Manny Ramirez three whole seasons to get that many!
- He's a Libra. Did you hear me? A Libra!
- His almanac entry says "Still Active." You bet! His Died On: says "Still Living," and so does his Died In:. His Cemetary is "N/A." Not applicable!
- He's a born winner. In his three seasons in New York, the Yankees made the playoffs ALL THREE YEARS!!! That champagne sure is cold, isn't it, Flash?!
Associate yourself with men of good quality, like John Flaherty,
if you esteem your own reputation. Flash is the man; I'd never tell a lie.