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I'm the plonic sonic

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File this one under For the love of God and all that is holy, please please no:

I know the baseball purists won't care for this idea, but I heard Tony Kornheiser mention on his XM radio talk show that the Nationals should have hired him and Wilbon to do the games together. Now, considering that the guy has about 10 other jobs and makes officially between a million and gazillion dollars annually, I'm not sure he would be a good choice to fill this position, but the sentiment I agree with. . . .

Kornheiser's point of view on the topic is that not that many people listen to radio broadcasts, so what needs to be done is have a more lively debate in the booth. Now I know there are a some old lady shut-in's who need all the radio minutiae because they are keeping score of the game while listening, but baseball has to reach out to younger listeners. Since most people listen to the TV broadcasting teams, radio needs to present more lively dialogue. . . .

I'm not saying this duo would have to be Opie and Anthony, but I do think bringing some edge to the radio broadcast would be an exciting new step in the evolution of baseball. Could it be worse than adding ex-jocks like Chris Singleton to the fold?

Presumably, one would be gracious enough to assign one not-insignificant advantage to Singleton (the new White Sox radio analyst) over a guy like T.K. Stack Money: AT LEAST SINGLETON KNOWS SOMETHING ABOUT BASEBALL!!!

Mercy, sorry for putting you guys through that one! Not to demean this blogger (too much), but that entry is an example of Billy Madison-quality blogging: everyone who read it is now dumber for having done so. Not only does this guy's idea represent a virtual bear-dumping on the grand tradition of baseball play-by-play on the radio, but it barely comes even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. To wit: If people are searching for edginess or manufactured debate, aren't there about a quadrillion places those people would go before tuning the radio dial to a baseball broadcast?

By the way, the choice of Kornheiser, as commenter "Your Editor" (ahem---NOTE: "Ahem" is not meant to signify that I'm "Your Editor") elucidated, is especially bizarre. Among prerequisite qualities for a baseball radio guy, obnoxiousness and contentiousness would probably fall lower on the list than detail-orientedness. Here's a vignette (totally true, I swear!) that might shed light on what a baseball broadcast conducted by a Kornheiser type might sound like:

Back in the spring, I went to a ballgame at The Diamond with some coworkers. One of my colleagues was friends with a sports anchor for a local television station. The anchor, in between beers and looking bored hanging out of the press box, would come over and talk to us. I mainly listened to the conversation, until he began talking about the Nats. The guy commented that, although he hadn't been up to RFK yet, his understanding was that this was one cheap operation.

Now, as for that characterization, I couldn't really deny; the team sold merchandise out of a friggin' trailer, after all. But I did take issue with the next comment: They don't even have a Jumbo-tron there . . .

Well, I piped up and essentially said, "Yeah huh." And he replied, "Nah uh." So I trumped him with the revelation that I had been to RFK for the second home game, and sure enough there was a big video screen---maybe not the biggest or best in the world, but there really was one. I asked him why he didn't think RFK had one, and he answered:

Oh, I was listening to Kornheiser's show on XM, and he was talking about it.

I bit my tongue. I still hold out some regard for Kornheiser, despite the undeniable truth that he mails in almost everything non-PTI-related these days and has the analytical spirit of a boiled lobster. Just the same, if you want details, he isn't exactly your man.

And if you want to listen to a halfway-coherent ballgame, he isn't your type.

__

Coaches! We have coaches! Mitchell Page, who has turned into a sentimental hero in the Natosphere for his battle against alcoholism (and for his tutoring of Marlon Byrd, let's not forget) is the new hitting coach. Davy Lopes, who is somehow 60 years old, is the new first base coach. Tony Beasley, who I'd never heard of until two o'clock this afternoon, is the new third base coach. Eddie Rodriguez, in case you're wondering, is still the bench coach/proxy manager.

Capitol Punishment explores Page's philosophy at the plate. Nats Farm Authority provides some short-form bios and advances the prospect that Beasley might be in line for a big league managing job in the future. If you look at his minor league record (and his age), you'll see it's not so far-fetched.

Also, Nats Farm Authority detailed the organization's minor league coaching changes for '06. It turns out that ex-Expo farmhand Jason Camilli will be a "coach" (hitting coach?) for the Gulf Coast League team. Camilli and I are like a two-stepper in the Kevin Bacon game:

  1. Camilli grew up with my friend Balding;
  2. I was Balding's best man.
Late in 1998, Balding and I (Balding is his last name, by the way; at last check, male pattern baldness had not afflicted him) checked out a Senators-Baysox game in Bowie. Camilli had just be called up to Double-A. Among others, Calvin Pickering, Ryan Minor, Jerry Hairston, Jr., Josh Towers, Michael Barrett, and a couple guys named Rick Short and Jamey Carroll were there.

Well, I'm pretty sure the latter two were there, not that I'd particularly remember. But it seems a reasonable inference that they were.

Actually, the two things I most remember were that Ryan Minor seemed vastly overrated and that Big Pick was just plain vast.

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In other news, the Sosa scare appears a bit less dire than originally anticipated. Banks of the Anacostia talks us off the ledge.

But I still think the whole Sosa thing is bizarre; for one, where's the motivation? Sosa's not a former Red, so what's Bowden's interest? As for Frank, we all know he hates teh roids. The leading theory is that Bodes drinks. Allegedly drinks, I mean---allegedly.