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Dave's internal monologue: "I want to blog!"

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If I were a sportswriter---and there was a point in my life, albeit as a teenager, when I did want to be one---I'd have no desire to be a blogger. I mean, why do something for free when you could do it for a living? Why be an obsessive outsider when you could actually interact with the fellas doing the playing and managing and general managing and team presidenting? Why be a snarky jerk when you could instead characterize the athletes themselves as jerks? Why do something you love as an amateur hobbyist rather than as a bona fide professional?

Why, indeed.

Still, maybe I'd be a little curious. Perhaps that's why the Posties become blogging correspondents from Viera (and why Comcast SportsNet's Scott Hanson has begun to do the same, though sporadically).

Still, maybe I'd be a little more curious. Enter the Post's Dave Sheinin and his apparent journalistic sensation-seeking predisposition---because, I'll tell you, if this article isn't the polished sportswriter's equivalent of the sarcastic blogger's post, then I don't know what it is.

Let's start with "lightning in a bottle." How couldn't we? This is Jim Bowden's go-to mantra ever since even he stopped believing in "pitching, pitching, pitching." And Sheinin indulges the theme: not one, not two, but three references.

Then there's an exigesis on Bowden's "predeliction[s]":

for two types of players -- "tools" players (those whom scouts grade highly in various athletic categories) and former Cincinnati Reds

When we write an epitaph on Bowden's stay in DC (whenever the end will be), someone should count the number of entries from the various blogs in that Nat(m)osphere that mentioned "tools" or "Reds." Would the final tally reach the hundreds? The thousands? Don't laugh.

Sheinin just missed the hat-trick; he didn't mention back-up second basemen. Maybe next time, eh?

Instead, Sheinin earns his stripes by really working the "tools" angle, getting some bonus points for references to aptitude in sports other than baseball:

Tools? Suffice it to say that if the Nationals fail to construct a solid bench out of their collection of reclamation projects, perhaps they could field an excellent football team. Outfielder Kenny Kelly was once the starting quarterback for the University of Miami. Outfielder Tyrell Godwin was a running back and kick returner for the University of North Carolina. Outfielder George Lombard was a Parade all-American wide receiver who turned down a scholarship to Georgia, choosing baseball instead.

Stupendous.

Sheinin gets slammed a lot by the BPGers for being overly---perhaps incessantly---negative. But many of the BPGers don't like the bloggers, either. You see where I'm heading with this? I certainly hope Sheinin's sportswriting career keeps chugging along; after all, like Moe Syzslak, I'm a well-wisher in that I don't wish any specific harm. But if Sheinin ever wanted to downshift---and believe you me, this is like stripping a transmission---then he'd pretty much fit in as a blogger.

Pretty much. A friend tells me Sheinin's nice in real life. That would be a bit different, I concede. Some of us are more condescending than others, but we're pretty much all jerks.

Except for Professor Bacon. He's nothing less than a buzz machine.