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Dateline: Konami Development Meeting

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We need a new game. Any ideas?

"Racing game?"

Nah.

"Sports game?"

"Educational game?"

"Monopoly game?"

I don't think so. We need something vibrant, robust.

"Poker game?"

No . . . I'm thinking of something . . . different.

"Fighting game?"

I'm listening.

"Something edgy, fast-paced, lots of blood and gore."

"I like it."

"Me too."

"I was just about to say that."

We need characters.

"Leopard with a human head who throws Chinese throwing stars?"

"Oooh, how about a human with a leopard head who throws Samurai swords?"

Think outside the box, people.

"How about anger?"

"Anger is not a character."

"Yeah."

I think he means as a characteristic. Right?

"Right, right. Someone who has . . . difficulty controlling his anger, who uses it to his advantage to explode on his opponents."

"It's different . . . "

"If he's not throwing stuff or shooting lightning out of his palms, I don't like it."

Let's listen it out, people. But he does need a weapon. 'Anger' itself is too abstract for our target audience. We need a symbol."

"A battle-axe?"

"The bloody entrails of his slain opponents?"

No.

"I say a baseball bat."

"I don't like it."

I like it.

"I like it."

Can he get angrier?

"He can shoot fire from his mouth!"

"Lasers from his eyes!"

"Noxious fumes from his butt!"

No, something with the bats.

"What about four bats?"

That's the stuff. Okay, a name?

"Doctor Furiouso?"

Close.

"Leaping Puma?"

"Professor Pain?"

"Angry Man."

That's the one.

"Professor Pain?"

No, no. Angry Man. That's it. Alright, next character?

"What about a tall guy with a fu-man-chu wearing a robe who swings a Sam---"

No more Samurai swords or Chinese throwing stars.

{silence}

"What about a headhunter?"

Explain.

"Dirty guy, a bit out of control. Goes straight for the head."

"Or the shoulder!"

Fine, fine. I don't think the guy's a puncher. He needs a projectile.

"A baseball."

Sounds good.

"So he's like an assassin, a crazy one, who throws a baseball?"

"And he kills people with it?"

Eventually. He's ruthless.

"He must throw that ball pretty fast."

"Could we put a blue- or red-tail on the ball to show how fast it was thrown?"

"If it worked in hockey . . . "

No. But we need a name.

"Pedro?"

I like it. Simple, efficient.

"Maybe he could beat up old guys, too!"

Nah, too much. No one will believe that. Next character?

"How about an older guy? Stern guy? Confrontational?"

"Yeah, he works his experience to his advantage."

What's his weapon?

"A stare. A fixed stare."

"And he shoots lasers out of his eyes!"

No. But I like the 'stare' part. What else?

"A lethal pointing finger."

"And he shoots lasers out of the finger!"

Who keeps saying that? . . . Okay, we need to give this guy a name.

"The Intimidator?"

I like it. We need another character.

"How about a ninja?"

"A soldier."

"A snake. With legs. So he can walk."

"A regular guy."

"A nerd."

The last two. Run with those.

"How about a regular guy who kills you with the strict adherence to silly rules?"

Good. And how does he kill?

"A touch of death!"

"Yeah, and he can be a guy who like jumps in on one side of a fight."

"Hey, he can be like a referee or something!"

"A dirty one!"

"Totally rotten."

Good, good. The game needs a name.

"What about Next Wednesday?"