I'd like to preface what follows by stating clearly and firmly that I enjoy Bob Carpenter's work. I have listened to him call several hundred Washington Nationals games to this point with a variety of broadcast partners and have enjoyed the work he does throughout the years. He's been extremely polite and friendly the few times we've crossed paths and has always said, "Hello," though he likely doesn't know who we are.
He also has genuinely great scorebooks available for purchase that F.P. Santagelo is always trying to give away.
If that last line made you laugh, you have clearly watched as many games with Bob and F.P. as we have here as a group at Federal Baseball and unfortunately for the world, we sit in front of computer when we do with one window open to chronicle the on-field action and another open for our Twitter feed @federalbaseball.
That's the "unfortunately for the world part." The unedited, for the most part, stream of our thoughts on each game is not for everyone, though we mostly just tweet score updates and pitch counts. But occasionally, some things Carpenter has said have caught our attention for the way in which they transcend simple, always professional play-by-play and become... something else? And then one day, two years ago now, it occurred to us, it was poetry. And Carpenter + poetry = #carpentry.
The first time it was simple enough... before an interleague game in an AL ballpark:
"Pitchers, by the way, are batting today." #carpentry— federalbaseball (@federalbaseball) March 24, 2013
What about this statement in support of #P2C over #P2K:
This one almost went out... then didn't:
"See. You. At the wall?" #carpentry— federalbaseball (@federalbaseball) May 26, 2013
fWAR or bWAR?:
"When they go to war they use W.A.R." #carpentry— federalbaseball (@federalbaseball) June 26, 2013
I have no idea who brought up "Saved by the Bell" but Carpenter is so a "Belding":
"Who is Zack Morris?" #carpentry— federalbaseball (@federalbaseball) July 23, 2013
I don't remember what no-doubt-1970s-built stadium he was talking about here, maybe RFK? Actually the Nats were in Oakland that day:
"Concrete monstrosity of a football stadium." #carpentry— federalbaseball (@federalbaseball) May 11, 2014
After a Tyler Moore home run:
"He Mississippi barbecued that one." - #carpentry— federalbaseball (@federalbaseball) May 13, 2014
I'm guessing this was during a minor league highlight package... #Hesreadybringhimup:
"Kieboom! Bang! Zoom!" - #carpentry— federalbaseball (@federalbaseball) May 24, 2014
I wish I remembered the context of this one... I believe there was debris floating on the wind or maybe the day the birds were swirling above AT&T Park:
"I feel like a baby in a crib looking up at a mobile up above my head in this place... " #carpentry— federalbaseball (@federalbaseball) June 12, 2014
But don't we all wish we did?:
"We don't have zoom capabilities in our heads..." - #carpentry— federalbaseball (@federalbaseball) June 27, 2014
I just, I can't. I wish I could remember the context of all these:
"Looked like a semaphore waiting for a train..." - #carpentry— federalbaseball (@federalbaseball) July 1, 2014
May the 4th be with you:
And finally from today:
"What did you do, look at my tie and step back in time?" - #carpentry— federalbaseball (@federalbaseball) May 23, 2015
Did I mention that he has has genuinely great scorebooks available for purchase?