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Marlins Man has possibly the worst hot take ever about the attendance at last night’s Washington Nationals game

Stick to... I dunno, uh, doing it for the troops...

Photo via @Marlins_Man on the Twitter.

Marlins Man [the international man of mystery also known as worker’s compensation lawyer Laurence Leavy that goes from baseball stadium to baseball stadium sitting behind home plate and being on TV, in addition to knowing exactly how many articles about him and Instagram photos of him there are, in addition to donating tens of thousands of dollars to teachers, firefighters, and others, all for the troops] was on hand at Nationals Park last night for ESPN’s Sunday Night Baseball.

This, though, is not a happy Marlins Man article.

Marlins Man, the namesake of the Miami Marlins (unconfirmed, can someone check this?), decided to come to Nationals Park to grace the stadium with his mere presence (and definitely, absolutely, not be on national TV — for the troops — or be famous, because he “doesn’t care about being known” seeing as he’s “already famous”) for ESPN’s Sunday Night Baseball.

Good plan, right? Everyone wins!

Only problem? Not too many people showed up to that game.

The paid attendance was officially 20,624. The actual attendance was probably somewhere along the lines of 10,000.

Empty? Quiet?

Wait a minute, hold on here, let’s try something. Pretend you’re on a game show — Baseball Jeopardy!

“I’ll take describing ballparks with adjectives, Alex.”

“Okay. This Major League Ballpark could be described as ‘empty’ and quiet.’”


“What is Marlins Park?”

Not to knock the Marlins, or Marlins Park, at least with any malicious intent, but it is undeniable that Marlins’ Man’s team normally averages less than 100 more tickets sold (20,735) than one of Nationals Park’s worst nights of the year.

Moreover, this year hasn’t even been an improvement for the Marlins attendance-wise, even with a team that has been holding on pretty firmly to second place in the NL East and could make a Wild Card run.

What’s more, Nationals Park has been in the upper half of MLB’s attendance standings for the last six years or so, and is the 11th most attended ballpark in baseball this year.

Even when the team was bad, they never dropped below 24th place. Marlins Park has never jumped higher than 18th place -- and since 2013, has never gotten above 27th place.

But that doesn’t matter. Because it was ESPN! Sunday Night Baseball!

Never mind the fact that:

  • There had been a game earlier that day, attended by 31,904 fans.
  • The game was a makeup game of a matchup previously scheduled for July 5th, when school was out.
  • It was the nightcap of a doubleheader against one of baseball’s weakest teams.
  • School had already started for public schools in the district and would start the next day for Virginia.
  • The last Metro train back into the heart of the city left at 10:52 PM.
  • The game itself started at 8:08 PM.
  • The Mets are currently in their flaming garbage phase, and aren’t exactly the most exciting draw to the ballpark, especially given that they come 9 times a year.

Because, for the love of all that is holy, this is ESPN SUNDAY NIGHT BASEBALL we’re talking about here! How could you not go?

Marlins Man was on hand for most of the NLDS last year between the Nats and the Dodgers.

If he returns, it’ll be interesting to see how Nationals fans react to the gift of his presence.